Question
Hello Jerry,

I`ve emailed you before pertaining to SCI before but this question is a first.  I am 16 months post my SCI injury, but I feel worse now than I did during the first months.  Physically, I`ve regained significantly considering I had a C2/3 incomplete injury.  My dilemma is I am and feel irritable, angry, mean, anxious, depressed, hopeless, purposeless, and tired.  I have been home for about a year after ICU/Rehab center.
My younger brother has taken care of me since the accident taking a hiatus from work.  He has done so much, physically, emotionally, caringly.  I am so lucky to have a brother like him.  However, my older sisters who also help are so opposite.  They say they care but actions speak otherwise.  It`s sad I feel this way but that`s what my instincts tell me.  They are so inconsiderate sometimes because they feel that I am a JOB to them and I should feel grateful (which I am) and not comment about anything.  Through no fault of my own, the accident caused the deaths of my fiancee and niece and my paralysis.  I am still devastated and grieving their passing, and also dealing with my dependency for everything.  I have seen a psychologist/psychiatrist and they`ve assured me that I am doing a great job and it`s normal what I am experiencing.  However, what can I do to let them truly sympathize w/my ordeal.  They think I complain all the time when my brother has never said that about me.  I am hurt/confused/offended by their attitude towards by daily emotional and physical struggle.  I`ve had anemia which makes me tired, several stage 4 pressure sores, and hopelessness.  First of all, did you go thru the emotional roller coaster?  And, how can I cope with their attitudes?  

Sincerely,
Walter Yi  

Answer
Hi Walter,

Yes, you are not alone here.  I went through the same emotional rollercoaster as you are going through.  Most other quads also went through it.  Trust me though, it does get better.  I know it seems to us at first that we are the only ones this injury happened to, but that's not all together true. This injury also affected those who love us. While it might not seem like it to you right now, your sisters, even your brother, have the same concerns that you have, although they may not tell you this right away.  Your feelings are normal.  I know it seems odd that this can be a normal feeling, but it is. It's all a process of trying to cope with what happened to us.  

Now, sometimes us quads can be a bit demanding over the things we want.  This is because "normally" we would do these things ourselves, the way we prefer it to be done.  When it's done for us by someone else, we can see the things that are Not being done the way we prefer them done, and we get a little anxious or mad because of this.  Unfortunately we take it out on the person who's doing it.  And if it's a family member, or someone we love, we're a little More anxious or mad because we can be.  Does this make sense?  I know I found myself yelling at my dad more than I would my attendant for the same thing.  Then I'd feel guilty.  But it was too late then.

What people don't realize is that we have to know how everything is done to us. Whether it's how we're dressed or whether it's the way they cut up our meat, because we ultimately have to deal with it at some point. And if it's not done the way we need it done it has to be done over.
And I know this can frustrate both us and the person we ask to do it again.  It comes down to communication.  Do you think it would help your situation to try and talk things out with your family?

Anyhow, I hope I covered a few of your questions.  If not, I want you to send your follow up questions to me at my email address below.  Good luck to you.  I hope you can overcome those feelings of hopelessness.  Nothing is hopeless. There's always answers somewhere and always someone who will listen.

Take care.
--------
Jerry C.
----------
[email protected]
ICQ# 2427884
-------------------
My Spinal Cord Injury Web Site:
http://www.users.sgi.net/~ozzy/handicap.htm
-------------------------------------------