Question
dear mr. mckinzie.
thank you very much for your answer.
please forgive me for again bothering you.
is it possible that my partner i.e. has an ejaculation without having an actual orgasm or a physical sensation? (maybe thats comparable to nipples? erected nipples can be but do not have to be a sign of sexual arousal. they also can be erected just because its cold)
there is also something i noted: since we met his erections are bigger and they last longer and it also seemed to me that the time he needed to ejaculate was actually shorter. are some functions recovering over a long period of time? is healing of i.e. tissue, nerve cells and so on a continous process or is it just imagination? (and maybe wishful thinking?)
thank you for your attention and your patience.
ester
ps.: please do not get me wrong. i really do care for him. but he needs his independence.


Followup To
Answer -
Hi Ester,
Thanks so much for your question.
It could go both ways. Some SCIs, male or female, need a sexual experience to feel normal again. If their partner experiences an orgasm, they themselves feel satisfied that they were able to still bring plesure to someone.
On the other hand, other SCIs, again male or female, enjoy the touch of another person as well as giving pleasure to that person.
For example, some male SCIs are unable to achieve any meaningful erection and therefore, find kissing, licking and sucking the breast as well as oral sex very pleasurable.
You will need to seriously talk with him about his true feelings. It is hard for me to say what he is feeling because the mental experience can be greater and more satisfying than the physical one from an SCI's point of view.
I must caution you, in my opinion, any relationship based solely on a physical basis will ultimately end up hurting one or both involved.
If you have any more questions, please don't hesitate to ask me.
Thanks again,
John McKinzie

Question -
dear mr. mckinzie,
you once replied to a woman asking about sexual abilities  of sci's that sex should not be the priority in a relationship. i am having an affair with a man who is not in love with me and where the main priority is sex. - i cannot name the exact position where his spine has been injured as i am not an expert but it is quite high somewhere lower between the shoulderblades. he has limited bladder and bowel control (he has to use a catheter when urinating but he does not suffer from incontinence). mostly sex hapens the way you described in your other reply. he is not able to get an erection without stimulating the penis manually - and then he can only maintain it as long as you continue to stimulate it manually and the penis needs to be stimualted in a very firm way. intercourse for example only can last for a very short time, then the  penis gets soft again. and only on  very rare occasionss he ejaculates.
mostly our sexual activities involve a lot of manual and oral stimulation. and while i have orgasms he very often does not come. when i ask him if he does not need to come, if he feels anything at all, he replies that for him its enough to make me come - he feels like having an orgasm as well.
redently i read in another website that erections and occasional ejaculations of sci's are merely physical reactions but the man is not actually sexually aroused and that one can even stimulate the penises of comatose patients which is obviously not a sign of sexual arousal either. and now i am confused. how much sensation does an sci have in his genitals? does he say that he feels pleasure to satisfy me and does in fact not have any sensation at all? i enjoy having sex with him - and for me it is the greatest experience ever but i am very inscure about if he  really enjoys it. i know that he must enjoy something about it otherwise he would not see me regulary - but i am not sure now if it is the actual sex or if he i.e. just needs to be reminded to his masculinity and if sex stands for his desire to lead a 'normal life' - to which sexuality somehow belongs.  
i hope you can make some sense out of my question - please mail me if i should have expressed myself not clearly enough.
thank you very much,
ester

Answer
Hi Ester,

I believe what you are describing is something like a ''wet dream.'' Just in case you are not familier with what a wet dream is, it happens during such time when a male experiences an erection and ejaculates while sleeping.

All parts of the body respond either voluntarily or involuntarily to stimulation. Whether on or not he feels anything, enough stimulation to the penis will cause an erection and, in your case, ejaculation. Many male spinal cord injuries don't experience ejaculations.

I would like very much to tell you yes but it is very hard for me to say if he is or isn't recovering from the affects of his injury. The fact that he appears larger and last longer may be the result of more sexual activity. The blood flow to the penis seems to be greater causing longer periods of erections.

A possible reason for the longer duration of erections could be the muscles in the vagina continue to massage the penis keeping the blood from leaving. Some men with an SCI will use a rubberband or something simular at the base of the penis to keep blood from leaving but need to remember to remove it as soon as activity has ended.

I hope this helps you and feel free to ask me again.

Thanks,
John McKinzie