Question
Hi John,
My fiance who I was to marry in 3 weeks was in a motorcycle accident on Oct 8th.  He is currently in ICU with a broken neck c1/c2 and a severe contusion to the spinal cord which the Dr.'s say with 95% assurance won't have any movement/sensation again below the injury sight ever.  The good news is that his neck apparently snapped back into place and is now in perfect alignment so won't need any additional surgery as the bones can heal properly where they are with no additional compression to the spinal cord.  My question is this how in this early stage sould we talk to him about his injury...I want him to understand how bad it is but at the same time I want him to have hope...I also am worried that I might not be up for this challenge, we were having problems in our relationhip before this which we had been considering calling off our wedding but now he needs me so much I can't and won't walk away from him but I'm so scared for him and me...I'm only 29 years old and he is 39 with 2 children from a previous marriage.
...any advice on how to cope for both of us?  I hope i don't sound callous as I do love him very much but I'm just so scared
Thanks,
Michelle

Answer
Hi Michelle,
Thanks so much for your questions.

I am truly sorry to hear about your fiance. I know this is a very trying and dufficult time for you too. Being so close to the situation, your emotions are running everywhere and it's hard to separate what is in your heart and in your your head.

One thing you need to know is, doctors can only go by what they have learned in medical school and the experience that they have aquired. But when it comes to spinal cord injuries, knowing that the nervous system is very complex and the spinal cord doesn't regenerate itself, they can only predict what the outcome might be.

It is going to depend on how much damage was done to the cord and the amount of scar tissue that develops. Sometimes when there is a trauma to the spinal cord, the nerves die off. They do, however, regenerate and reattach to the cord. Impulses are transmitted through the nerves and to the spinal cord. These impulses are then directed to the brain and are interpreted and sent back to the nerves through the spinal cord. The problem is, that because of a spinal cord injury, this communication between the body and brain are interrupted.

When the spinal cord is damaged in any way, blood will pool and cause scarring. What the doctors can't predict is the amount of scarring. Obviously, the lesser the amount of scarring, the more communication will occur through the spinal cord.

You will have to judge when the appropiate time is for you talk to him about his injury. Do your best to keep a positive attitude when discussing anything about his injury and/or prognosis. Anytime someone is faced with the circumstances that your fiance is facing, a positive attitude is essential. Please understand that your fiance is facing a long battle and will need a lot of physical therapy.

I would also like to add that in my opinion and experience, this is NOT a time to make quick decisions and promises about your future. Take one day at a time. I have included 2 web sites that you can learn more about spinal cord injuries.

www.spinalcord.uab.edu
www.sci-info-pages.com

Michelle, I can only write and explain so much here. I don't usually do this but if you would like to, you can write me personally at [email protected] or you can call me at 757-838-3334. I would like very much to talk with you. My fiance, Ruth, who, by the way is in a simular situation, said she would also like to talk with you, if you want to.

If you have any more questions, Please remember, you can write me here at AllExperts.com or my personal email or you can call me.

Sincerely,
John McKinzie