Question
I am in a "living together" relationship with a quadraplegic (incomplete injury as he has partial use of his arms)...our sexual relationship is virtually non-existant over the past several weeks (been together 6 months), he has sudden mood swings, vacilates between extremes of independence and co-dependence.  How much of this is attributable to the SCI?  He is 48, sustained his injury at age 20.  I try not to take it all personal but it is getting harder and harder not too.  Any insights to offer?  He boasts of a past of numerous sexual interactions and has only been married once.

Answer
Hi Amanda,
Thanks so much for your question.

I don't think it's the spinal cord injury but that he has a disability. Many times, people with disabilities, whether or not they will admit it, often feel inadequate in their physical abilities. And this happens more often in males especially in the areas of sex. The fact that he boasts about past sexual experiences is more evident.

You didn't mention about what kind of sex life you have but unless he has some feeling in his penis, most the physical pleasure is experienced by you and his is more mental. Right?

Can you talk openly and truthfully with him? Is so, let him know what you're thinking. Most of all, don't pity him or let him take you granted. Even though he has a disability, try to treat him as you would an able-bodied person.

I, myself, would prefer people to treat me as though I didn't have a disability. Except for the obvious physical help I need from time to time, I want to be as indepedent as I can.

I'm not sure if I've really answered your questions but if you would like to offer or add any more insight or have another question, please feel free to write me again.

Thanks,
John Mckinzie