Question
My father received a c2 SCI 1 week ago. he had surgery 5 days ago to fuse the fracture in place, he now is in a halo and vent dependant, and has not shown any movement as of now. I am so scared of the outcome, not just for me, but for my father, he is very independent and active, I cant imagine the fear he is going through and how he will feel once he realizes what the outcome may be.I have no idea where to start, but I want the best for my father, where do I go? who do I talk to? I am terrified here, I am staying in another state where I know no one, staying in the hospital guest house, i feel all alone, and I need to be strong for my dad. I know this is going to be a long haul for us, I just need some advice, where do I go? how do I know what he needs? how can I make sure he gets the best care possible? any help, any suggestions ANYTHING WILL be appreciated.

Thank you  

Answer
Hi kaycee-
i'm real sorry to hear about your dad- some days i wish i was the gardening expert or something as i know very much what it all feels like...

so, your father is stable, post surgery, but has the vent and halo, yes? i'm guessing at that injury level he'll have to keep the vent?

first, you won't be tossed out into the world without a clue- usually after the person is stable the hospital staff will talk to you about places to go for rehab. This is where you guys'll learn what he needs help with and how to help him, how to adapt to various daily life activities, etc. As for getting the best for your father, my best advice is to see how the doctors or staff (at hospital or rehab) LISTEN to you and/or him. Ask them everything you can think of and make sure they answer it- this is an entirely fair thing to ask them to do. i don't know how old you are, etc, but if i have to deal with similar situations I sort of channel my mother- anyone who you've seen look out for you..make sense?

The hospital or especially the rehab staff should also hook you up with counselling- for you and your dad. If they don't offer it up front, ask them. They know how hard what you're dealing with is to handle.

Your father has alot of adjusting to do, and it will be a nightmare. i'm sorry to be blunt, but it's most likely true.  The best thing (my opinion) that you can do for him is to be yourself- you don't have to be all strong or stoic or whatever. If you used to make jokes with him about stuff, do it still. If he always read the paper, read it to him. Sometmes having a familiar moment is all you need when in as unfamiliar situations as this. Let him know he is still HIM, and that you're there.

I hope very much that he can adapt and be happy despite this injury. I have a fulfilling life now, pretty regular in most ways, but i spent the first 4 yrs after the wreck doing as much heroin as i could find. I don't mean this'll happen to your dad- I just mean sometimes the process of adapting is slow, but there can still be hope.
don't run yourself too ragged, if possible, and if you feel too freaky go talk to someone, anyone- someone's always awake at a hospital and those guest houses are spooky

i am not sure i've given you what you sought, but you're welcome to write back in here too, ok? happy to help if i can-
in the meantime, i wish you both good luck
leslie