Question
i am a 22 year old student.i have very high myopia and macular degeneration since birth.my vision is about 6/60 in both eyes.i feel depressed and miserable all the time because of my very poor eyesight.i hate telling ppl that i hv such a bad eyesight.i just spend most of the time at home as i hate enjoyin outside.i cant read whats written on the blackboard/projector screen even from the first bench!!.i feel awkward and embarassed to read books keeping them very close to the eyes.what shld i do ?i am really afraid about my future and helpless.

Answer
I totally understand where you are coming from. I hear your struggles and fears. You are not alone in this.

I could never see the board either...unless I was standing directly in front of it. I used large print books in grade school, and they were HUGE books.

I have always had to have books and the computer screen right to my nose. After all of my recent surgeries, I now have to wear reading glasses...and I still have to have the book/screen to my nose.

At 22 I was much more aware of what others might think or say, and got embarrassed easily. I was even embarrassed to walk with my parents who both have bad vision and use walking canes.

I look at it this way now...I was given this vision problem...just like others have hearing problems, heart problems, diabetes, etc...and I am not any different from the rest of the world because of it.

You have as much right to be out enjoying life as any sighted person. Never let your physical limitations keep you from living the life that was given to you.

I didn't like to share my vision limitations with friends...so I'd lie about it...and if they were going someplace that would be difficult for me to go, I'd make up some story as to why I couldn't join them. I finally got tired of having to miss out on all the fun. I took a risk, and started to share my fears with them. I told them that going into the movies/theatre was scary cause I cannot see in the dark. So, my friends gave me an arm and guided me. I told them I had trouble in crowds cause if I lost them, I'd have serious difficulty finding them again...so they held onto me...or looked for me in crowds. And they did all this in a very casual way, so it was never awkward or obvious. And they did it because they loved me. If anyone had issues with my eyesight, and was unwilling to help, I would not consider them worth having as a friend.

Dating was difficult, too, because they are different than friends...you cannot know why you are dating when only on the first few dates. I had to wing it...like ordering the same thing as they did, off the menu, because I couldn't read it. Or turning down going to dark places with the excuse that I wanted to see their faces so we could talk and get to know one another. I missed many great movies doing that.

As I got older, and started meeting more mature people, I found that keeping this part of me from the people I dated was like keeping an important part of me from them. If they did that to me I would have been angry. And if they were liking me, without knowing all of me, that wasn't fair to me...I wanted to be liked for all of me. So, I began sharing about my vision, early on. I told the guys, flat out, that I was legally blind, that I would never drive, that I would not have a high paying job, and that when out I might need their help from time to time. And I was surprised to find this was never a problem. These people admired me for being comfortable in my own skin, and I was respected all the more. Can you imagine? All that time I spent lying to cover it up...all a waste.

I have met people, through the years, that did not understand my vision and who were not very nice about it. I have no idea where those people are now because I left them and moved on. I do not have time for self centered people. I have always said that having a vision problem has helped me to weed out bad people. If I had been a sighted person, I may have stayed friends with ignorant people, never knowing any better. My vision has truly been a blessing.

I am telling you, confidence in yourself...all of you which includes the good and bad...is what people see and admire. You need to learn how to love you as God made you, and choose for your vision limitations to only make you stronger. Get out there, take risks, share your fears with friends and family, find out who are really the people you want in your life, and enjoy it! And education is SO important. Because it's much harder for a visually impaired person to get a job, you must have something you like and are good at. Hold the books to your face, use a monoscope to read the blackboard (or tape the lectures with a minitape player), tell your professors about your vision needs and let them know you wont let anything stop you from getting the best education you can. People respect those with a true desire to learn.

And most importantly, talk about your fears and feelings. I am glad you came to me...because that's so much better than keeping it inside. You have legitimate fears and concerns, so never be ashamed to share them with those around you. Admitting what scares us is the first step to getting past it.

Have I been any help to you? Is there any other questions/thoughts you have? Please feel free to send me a message at any time. You are not alone in this, as I have said, and you will get through it...and you will be comfortable in your own skin, one day!

God bless,
Jeannine