Question
hi,
my vision is very poor.my BEST CORRECTED VISUAL ACUITY IS JUST ABOUT 20/200 IN BOTH THE EYES.i feel like crap.what shld i do?i am very shy and dont like to discuss my problems with others.i always pretend to hv normal eyesight in front of others.do i need a change in attitude????any advice wld b highly appreciated.

Answer
Hello Kevin,

You sound a lot like myself, actually. I have had bad vision since birth. It'd been around 20/200 for years, until I had some bad experiences with cataract surgeries that lead to many retina detachments in my left eye. I have very poor vision in that eye, now, and it had always been my strongest. I am now left  to rely on my right eye, which has it's own share of problems.

When I was younger...in grade school/high school/college, I used to hide  my vision problems as much as possible. I did everything I could to "fake it." I would laugh off things I could not see, and find ways to blame it on something else. In restaurants, if I could not see the menu, I'd order what someone else was having...this was often very stressful, since I am a picky eater and ended up ordering food I did not like.

I got so good at lying, that it became second nature to me. And I convinced myself that if I were honest and open about my vision, people would find me a burden and move on, not wanting to trouble themselves.

It was lonely, that way, because my vision is a very large part of who I am...in both bad and good ways. To deny it, was to deny myself. It was depressing.

After college, the relationship I was in turned very serious. He was in my life for 5 years. After a year, it became too hard to fake my vision, and he began to catch on. I finally broke down, and admitted to him what I could not see. I started with baby steps, asking him to read off the menu's and asking him to take my hand as we entered a dark movie theatre. He obliged, willingly, and encouraged me to share more with him. It was then, that I began to realize that I wanted to be loved for who I really was, and not who I pretended to be.

Apart from my parents, this man was the first person to understand my vision and my sight. It was so liberating! It motivated me to then be open with friends and other family. Over a few years, it became natural to share my visual difficulties, and I was no longer ashamed or afraid they would cause rifts in friendships. I wasn't even afraid to tell new men, that came into my life, about my vision problems right from the beginning. No one ever liked me less for it...though if I had come across someone who did, I know that I would have seen they were not worth having in my life anyway.

Now sharing my visual problems is second nature to me. The people I work with, thank God, are very understanding--although some work places did not accept it and I was actually fired a few times because of it but never bothered to take legal action. My family/friends/church all know about my vision. In fact, they all came around to help me through the horrible year of detachments I had.

I am sharing all this with you, to tell you that you are not alone. It's natural to be afraid of your vision, and what others may think. But what I encourage you to remember is, that it's a part of who you are. It's so important that we embrace all that is us, iuncluding our difficulties. It's how you were made, and I honestly believe we werre made that way for a reason. I am so much stronger because of my vision, and I am able to do things, like offer advice on allexperts, because of what I have  lived through. I would not trade that for anything.

There are days, every now and again, that I get down and get frustrated with God. Everyone, no matter what problems they do or do not have, has those kinds of days. In this world, society lifts up these "perfect" images of people, and tries to convince us that if we don't fit the mold something is wrong with us. But absolutely no one is perfect. Everty single human being has a difficulty, a health/emotional problem, a short coming, etc. No one is perfect. I think we should measure greatness by how people accept and embrace their issues, and by how they deal with them.

I encourage you to start sharing, little by little, with family and close friends. Test the waters. Tell them when you cannot see certain things. See what their reactions are. You may meet with some surprise, because you have hidden it well. But if these are true and good friends, they will accept and help you. In fact, I am sure you must know some people with various problems...do they share their stuff with you? I have friends who have openly confessed they are depressed, or that they have physical deformities. They can share with me, because I share who I am with them.

It wasn't an overnight thing, with me. It took years of baby steps, till I could be comfortable with my vision. And there are times I still get embarassed--especially around strangers. But life is so short, and I am so tired of losing out on things because I'm afraid to admitt I don't see well.

I hope this helps, in some way. I hope you do not feel so alone, in this. There are tons of people out there, like us. And confidence is highly contageous. If others see you openly accepting your vision problems, and going on with life anyway, they may see you as an encouragement. I have had others tell me that I have touched them, in some way, and reminded them that life is barable and nothing's impossible. That kind of thing makes all the frustration, embarassment, and shame worth it. And I hope, that one day, you can be sharing your story with others, going through this same issue.

God bless,
Jeannine