Question
Thanks Sharon for such quick reply ... much appreciated. I'd been thinking since sending question that just cannot put self through it on own. Still very worried though, as area live in isn't good. Only the one hospital in this area, and unsure where relevant counselling opportunities too. Your answer's helped as is clear, and back to sensible basics. Feel should probably try to focus on finding new doctor, while consider about if can move to a different area. Just a quick question wanted ask, if that's okay .... do you know of any relevant internet support forums? Thanks, kitten

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Followup To
Question -
Hi Sharon, sorry if this comes out as a bit of a disorganised spiel, but will try. Confused, mainly because anything to do with doctor or hospital just seems to be going wrong .... no time given to say concerns, when say am very worried about back (and therefore recovery from hip surgery that's due), nothing done. About to change doctor if I can. Hospital sent a cancellation date last summer, but when I kept asking for answer to question about aftercare (am totally on my own, not through anything bad have done .... lost trust due to many bad experiences) no clear answers given, and the surgeon said would just have to get on with it.

I had put on original form that could not attend a cancellation, yet that date was sent, which I had to refuse, as no time to sort anything, no answers to help me. And today I find out that I was thrown off the list last October/November, or earlier, because I refused to use the cancellation date! I can't believe it, and the surgeon is not polite or caring at all, and am frightened even more now that he was the one chairing the big discussion a few of them had in deciding I'd be chucked off the list .... and this surgeon could have the say in when I'm sent home after surgery .... scares me a lot, as don't want to be sent home to cope alone, as he said would have to. I even asked his secretary last November that I be put on a different surgeon's list, and was told yes, put on another list.

Totally rubbish communications allround, and just cannot understand it .... I'm saying my situation clearly, and very quickly, as they give no time, and I fill in the forms correctly, yet one thing after another going wrong, and am absolutely terrified already, and totally overwhelmed. Scared what it's doing to me, as already v bad depression, and feeling far too stressed. Am really scared, and each time yet another goof or unkindness (one nurse was really sarcastic when I said I was on my own and needed to ask about aftercare, etc etc) am getting more and more scared. It's horrible, as feel am very very stuck until have this surgery.

Find it hard to cope now but at least can move about, struggle with shopping but at least can do that. No assurances there'll be anyone to materialise and help with shopping, keeping house clean (and sterile). Only happy different thing I do is make crafts and sell on Ebay, and can't do that for while after surgery, or go out anywhere. Just all too much. Believe it or not, have done years of care work, burnt out from it, and am very clear in other ways that need to look inside myself and do as need to positively and simply, but all this is just overwhelming me. Hanging over my head, and just nobody hearing me, and sick of being treated as if I'm subnormal intelligence because am afraid and saying I'm on my own and need simple answer to question. Why won't they understand what I'm saying, or how afraid I am?

Am 37, and had one or two times in hospital previously, which didn't go well e.g. after a car crash, and when got home was still glass in head, etc etc. In place live (Middlesbrough, UK) just nobody to talk with, no support, people not even got few minutes to spare, or don't believe me when I say am on own or needing specific answers. Just seems there's a huge block, and I don't understand why, as am saying clearly that am v afraid, totally on own, need clear answers to question of aftercare and also about surgeon/if it's him who says when I go home, etc.

Find it extremely hard to trust people, and this whole situation is meaning my nerves are raw every day, as the thought of going into hospital alone, lots people around me getting visitors, horrible surgeon, and thought of months of recovery alone afterwards, is too much. Getting too afraid and upset. It's making me worse and worse too because am saying simple questions etc, but still treated as if am odd or a baby or taking up time .... have only spoken in total for at the most 10 or 20 minutes to hospital people, and about the same with doctor, in 18+ months, but every time feel there's no care or interest at all, and I'm really easy to please ... if someone's genuine and took a few minutes to answer what I feel are vital questions, would feel better. Just feel lost, and can't imagine how I'll get through the surgery or come out of it without feeling even more trauma than already am.

Has been hanging over head for 2 years now, and is harming me too much. Try very hard to be positive and do as can, but am worn out. Wondering if am best to struggle on until legs fall from under me, rather than put self through this now. I honestly don't talk as I write, as find it hard to talk on phone, especially when e.g. surgeon so curt and uncaring. Apologies if this rambles, but have no-one to talk to at all, and am really really stressed out. If I need to go for another surgeon, means longer waiting again, and hanging over my head more. If stay with this ignorant so-and-so, then am frightened of what it'll do to me to put self through that alone.

Hospital say there's no counselling available either. Just feel am a nothing, not even worth a few minutes, and am very frustrated as always did all I could to help people, and ended up ill myself, but with no care at all. Got lots abilities etc too, but can't use them for at least a  year, except in crafts do. Can't plan ahead. Just feel am caught between a rock and a hard place, and unsure how to get through. Know I need a friend in real life, but too depressed to try, as been hurt too much, and taken a lend of, told am easy target, so I keep myself to myself, especially due to health. This surgeon seems a bit of a bully, and I get scared any time anyone knows I have no family or friends, and that am unwell, as then am just to vulnerable. My wish to change surgeons hasn't been honoured, and my free choice in putting on form that can't attend a cancellation has seemingly been punished.

Want to recover health and energy, as well as trust self about going back into life again. But how do I get through surgery and recovery? Look forward to hearing back, and sorry again for it being long-winded. Thanks, kitten
Answer -
Hi Kitten
Man oh man! you've been through it.

First of all calm down.
If I were you, I'd start from square one.  

Before you do ANYTHING with an orthopedist, you need to find a good mental health person.  Get with them and start counseling.  You need to get yourself in a position where you can deal critically and correctly with your problem.  Once you are in couseling, have your mental health counselor look for the best doctor in the area for orthopedics.  Then get yourself set with that doctor.

I am not familiar with insurance in the UK, but in the US we have to have a primary internist recommend us to a Orthopedist.  I would say first of all, call the largest, most practiced hospitals in your area and get with the orthopedist department.  Find the head of the department and get a name from them of a good, the best surgeon.

Then, go through the steps of getting the tests.  Do it in an organized manner and in stages.

Then find out of the doctor has counseling services or people who you can speak with that were former patients, and find out what they went through insofar as aftercare and returning to the workforce.

Hope this helps.

Answer
Kitten"

Look for forums and internet support groups on arthritis, bone disease, joint replacement, pain, depression.  I used many of those.  People on those groups sometimes have names of doctors.

Ask the hospital in your area if they sponsor support groups too!