Question
My mother is 66. Last Feb. she had a back operation. She still has  a lot of pain with her leg just like before, sometimes worse. She does very little driving, is almost housebound, and limps a little.  To go upstairs, she has sometimes use both hands to pull herself up  the stairs. As her family, when do we meddle?  We think she feels the doctors don't really pay attention to her pain and she feels she has to live this way.  She has lost 40 lbs in the last year probably from the pain. She doesn't really feel comfortable with one of us going along to the doctor. We sometimes wonder if she is downplaying the pain to the doctor. What do we do? And could there be another problem, like maybe her hip? Thanks.

Answer
Devonna

I have the same problem with my mother.  She literally crawls up the stairs in her hands and knees, so I fully understand your situation.  

I'm sad to say though, you are, in the same situation I am in.  There isn't much you can do.  We have tried to get my mom to sell her house, but she won't even consider it.  Your mother sounds very independant and stubborn, but in a way that is a good personality trait to have.  She's a very strong woman and probably won't let you interfere.  Even if it is for her own good.

You might want to suggest that she see a different doctor just to get a second opinion on her health.  There may be drugs she can take to alleviate her pain that are non-narcotic.  It may also be that her pain is in the nerves due to her back surgery so you might want to ask her to think about seeing a neurologist to determine if the pain is neurological or bone related. (in her hip).

The main thing to remember is not to speak to her forcefully because that will defeat the purpose of helping her.  See if you can take her out for a cup of coffee or a meal and then ask her if you can come with her to a doctor for a second opionion.  You can preface it with the "Two sets of ears are better than one", and that you will not interfere, you are just there to listen.  And then if she allows that, just do that, listen to what has to be said by the doctor.


I wish you and your family the best in this holiday season.

Sharon