Losing a loved one can be a very traumatic experience and dealing with the after effects of a relationship break up is enough to bring the strongest of us to our knees. So what can you do to ease the pain and give yourself a better chance of living through this nightmare?
Ironical as it may seem most of us when trying to get through this time or trying to get our ex back do the opposite of what we should do! As a race we are social animals, we perform at our best in groups with one partner to help us. When that partner leaves it can seem as if our "group" has been destroyed. Friends that we knew when we were in a relationship frequently distance themselves from the fallout. And who can blame them? It must be very hard for others to remain neutral to both parties as both you and your ex will have your own versions of what has happened.
So the first thing to do is stop telling your story! Your friends have their own lives to lead and though they may seem sympathetic at first that sympathy will soon wear thin at the tenth telling of what your ex did wrong! Instead take a step back from where you are now. Stop pacing up and down, drinking endless cups of coffee and chain smoking cigarettes. Yes, it may do wonders for your figure with the worry and stress making those extra pounds disappear but it will do nothing to help you get through this difficult time! Sit down and relax! Try and get into the frame of mind of an outsider, look at what happened to your relationship without pinning blame on yourself or your ex. You may be surprised how well this little technique works at calming your mind and helping you to see things more clearly. Try and do this each time you feel the tension building up even if you have to do it once an hour! A calmer interior will help to present a calmer exterior!
Once you have managed to calm the demons in your mind you will find it a lot easier to cope with your day to day life. I know that at the moment mundane things like a job and paying the bills seem completely unimportant but the normal routine of your life must be carried on. Now is the time to contact your friends, not to regale them with your own problems but rather as a way of getting yourself back into the normal world. Activities like bowling, running, jogging or just general keep fit will do wonders for your confidence and self esteem. After all you have managed to lose a bit of weight through worrying so you may as well make the best of it! Now I may sound flippant and callous when I say things like the above but I couldn't be more serious! Get out of yourself, find something to occupy your mind and if it gets you into better shape at the same time so much the better!
I'll let you into a little secret! As I said before most of us end up doing the wrong things in this situation! What I'm telling you to do, getting out, having fun and improving your fitness level are very high attraction factors to the opposite sex! And what is your ex? You've got it! There is no better way to get back at your ex than to follow these steps and if that isn't an incentive then I don't know what is!
If after a month or two you are still plagued by the same recurring thoughts of your ex and what you should have done to save the relationship then it's time to write a letter! But this will be a letter with a difference! It won't be posted! This letter is for you alone, to pour your heart out, to write down all the wrongs you feel your ex has done you and to put your pain down in words. Take as long as you want writing this, in fact you can write it over a few days as fresh memories come up to taunt you. But once you have finished, seal the letter and put it away somewhere dark. The back of a closet is an ideal place. When you are putting it in its resting place imagine that in the envelope is all your pain and grief. You are not putting it away forever, merely until the time has come where you will be able to deal with it more easily. A word of warning though! Do not be tempted to post this letter to your ex, your letter is private to you and showing your ex your pain is only another way of giving away your power to them. Seal it and bury it along with your pain!
If even after following these tips you are still having problems getting over your ex then perhaps it is time to talk to somebody. But I'm not talking about a friend here, I mean somebody who has been trained to deal with situations like this. Relationship counsellors are some of the wisest people I know! They have seen and heard it all and can offer a shoulder to cry on along with some practical advice. Now I know a lot of you reading this will be too embarrassed to seek professional help but that help is confidential and could really help you get through your breakup with a fresh perspective on what happened and fresh hope for the future! So get over your pride and embarrassment and find that phone book!
If you follow the steps I have laid out in this article then you will be well on the way to getting over your ex or perhaps even getting back with them? Once you have got your confidence back it may surprise you just what opportunities are out there for you! Good luck!
