If you have rheumatoid arthritis, balancing your family's needs and those of your illness can be tough. Learn tips from moms who know these challenges firsthand.

Although both men and women can develop rheumatoid arthritis, it affects women three times as often as men, forcing them to juggle the demands of treating their condition with those of raising a family.

Lori Morris and Tammy Kerker are two mothers with rheumatoid arthritis who know all about this balancing act. In response, Morris and her husband Chris started their own Web site, MomswithRA.com. The site, which does not offer medical advice, includes articles on Morris’s personal experiences as a mother with rheumatoid arthritis. It also allows other mothers to post their stories and provides information on new research, insurance, and medications.

Both women also work part-time outside the home: Kerker, who lives in Florida, is a certified public accountant, and Morris is a speech pathologist in Colorado who works mostly with kids who have severe autism. Here, they share their experiences and advice.

Rheumatoid Arthritis: Striking a Balance

1. Educate yourself about rheumatoid arthritis. “My husband and I started MomswithRA.com because there just isn’t much information about flares and pregnancy, and doctors disagree about what drugs are safe during pregnancy and breastfeeding,” Morris says.
2. Talk with your doctor. If you want to start a family, it may be difficult to have this conversation with a rheumatologist who is not willing to support your decision.
3. Get support from other parents with rheumatoid arthritis. “I had a rough time after my first baby, and I was desperately seeking someone who was in the same boat. It was so good to find others who knew what it was like,” Kerker says. There are many rheumatoid arthritis support groups that you can turn to.
4. Educate your partner and older kids. The Arthritis Foundation has a class that teaches about pain and pain management strategies. Families can go together, says Patience White, MD, chief public health officer of the foundation. “Or if you can’t take the class, there are books available on arthritis.org.”
5. Talk to your youngest kids on their level. Morris says her young son’s natural curiosity about the human body helped him understand her illness. “We got a book about the different body parts, and he learned that he has bones, and his mom’s bones hurt sometimes,” she adds. “He [understood] at a 3-year-old level.”
6. Communicate to keep kids from worrying. Kerker agrees that education is important because even young children can worry about their parents. “When I wear a boot or wrist splints, I have to explain to my daughter that I’m not injured, I’m just wearing them to stay strong,” Kerker says.
7. Think zippers instead of snaps. The tiny little buttons and snaps on kids’ clothes are hard to manage. “Most moms I know with RA try to dress their kids in loose-fitting clothes,” Morris says. “Elastic and zippers instead of snaps, and for infants, nightgowns with a cinch at the feet.”
8. Learn alternatives to playing on the floor. Morris and Kerker agree that the biggest challenge of parenting young kids is that so many children’s activities take place on the floor. Getting up and down is tough, and sitting on the floor is not easy for people with rheumatoid arthritis. Morris suggests playing on the bed or at the top of the stairs so you can swing your feet over and stand up easily when you need to.
9. Find new ways to be together. Think about what you can do together. “Even if I can’t go on a bike ride, I can still read them stories or go in the pool,” Kerker says.
10. Make time for yourself. “Find time to stretch, work out, and stay strong,” Kerker says, noting that this is much easier said than done. While she gets plenty of exercise and movement looking after her three kids, it’s difficult to find time to stretch.

The most important thing to remember is that there’s no “right way” to parent. “I used to worry that I wouldn’t be as good a mom as other moms,” Kerker says. “But now I think that was crazy. I’m still a good mom, even if I’m not doing it exactly like everyone else.”