Is RA getting in the way of intimacy? Find out how one couple keeps rheumatoid arthritis from affecting their healthy relationship.

From severe joint pain to fatigue, rheumatoid arthritis can impact many facets of daily life, including your love life. Symptoms of rheumatoid arthritis, or RA, can make intimacy difficult. And if you experience a reduced libido due to RA, maintaining intimacy in a relationship might seem virtually impossible.

“Couples with RA must deal with pain and physical limitations in one partner, [and] misdirected anger and frustration on both sides puts additional strain on the relationship,” says Philip L. Cohen, MD, chief of rheumatology at Temple University Hospital in Philadelphia. “RA patients are also more likely to become depressed, in part due to the central nervous system effects of the disease and in part due to their situation and chronic pain. It is not surprising that RA patients have a higher-than-normal rate of divorce and separation.” 

A Rheumatoid Arthritis Relationship Success Story

Stacey Goodman (pictured above), a public relations specialist in New York City, knows firsthand the impact that RA has on all facets of life, including her love life. She was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis as a child, and her joint pain was significant. “There’s an inherent imperfection and vulnerability in having a condition like this, and sharing that at first was uncomfortable,” she says. “There’s nothing fun or attractive about sticking yourself with a needle or not being able to be as active as other people your age.”

Goodman admits that her challenges with RA transferred to her relationship with her boyfriend, Jake. “My biggest fear is that caring for me will be too much – that my needs will overshadow his,” she says. “It’s something that I always have in the back of my mind.”

Despite the challenges of Goodman's RA pain and her need for Jake to sometimes act as a caretaker, the couple has worked through their issues related to her rheumatoid arthritis. She says the secret to their success has been communication. “He’s really patient with me, and I’m honest with him about what I can and can’t do,” she says. “There are certain date activities that I’ll probably never be able to do – like I could never go skiing because the ropes that teach you how would probably rip my shoulders right out of their sockets – but there are ways to make up for that.”

Help for Couples Coping With RA

If you are part of a couple dealing with the effects of rheumatoid arthritis, Goodman says communication is really important. She also recommends finding common ground in your interests to help the relationship continue to grow. “There are plenty of things you can do together that won’t aggravate anybody’s joints,” she says.  

Leon Popovitz, MD, an orthopedic surgeon and the founder of New York Bone and Joint Specialists, suggests that “patience and listening are simple guides for both partners" to have a fulfilling sex life with RA. "The supportive partner needs to simply be there, be near, and listen," Dr. Popovitz says. "Eventually, both partners will be able to read the pain and fatigue. They will both know when an opportunity arises. The RA partner also needs patience and listening. He or she has to recognize the devotion and love that is sitting patiently next to them.” 

Some couples will need more professional forms of support to preserve their relationship. Dr. Cohen says it’s critical to seek professional assistance if you can’t solve sex and intimacy issues on your own. “Couples dealing with RA often benefit from support groups and from counseling,” he says. “Treatment of depression is often helpful, as well as specific therapy for physical problems that might limit intimacy.”